


Quick To Hope

by GammilyIsMe



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Canonical Child Abuse, Female Neil Josten, Gen, Pre-Canon, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:20:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24889030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GammilyIsMe/pseuds/GammilyIsMe
Summary: Natalia Wesninski was born on January 19th to Nathan and Mary Wesninksi. Nathan's careful plans for his son were quickly replaced with questions about what to do with his unexpected daughter.The wisps of hair on her head were red and her eyes were an icy blue.When she was three, Natalia was allowed to get a dog. After all, she was her father’s princess.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 43





	Quick To Hope

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [three strikes (and you're out)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16646858) by [palmettto](https://archiveofourown.org/users/palmettto/pseuds/palmettto). 



> Author chose not to include archive warnings for a reason yall, but any warnings in the books will apply to this as well.
> 
> Edited 8.23.20 for some names that got mixed up in the end

* * *

* * *

_Youth was easily deceived because it was quick to hope_. - Aristotle

* * *

* * *

Natalia Wesninski was born on January 19th to Nathan and Mary Wesninksi. The doctors told them it was a healthy baby girl. Nathan's careful plans for his son were quickly replaced with questions about what to do with his unexpected daughter.

The wisps of hair on her head were red and her eyes were an icy blue. 

When she was three, Natalia was allowed to get a dog. After all, she was her father’s princess.

* * *

When she was four, Natalia started ballet. It was Lola’s idea, and Natalia loved Lola like an older sister even though she was scary sometimes, and so Natalia loved ballet, too. She tried her best, and never cried, trying not to disappoint Lola or her mother. But it was Lola who would encourage her, giving her hugs and sweets while her Mother was silent as stone. 

Perfection was expected, especially if her father decided to come watch her practice. If she was perfect, then everything _was_ perfect.

* * *

When she was five, her father hit her for the first time. Natalia had squirmed too much when the men in her home asked her probing questions she didn't know the answer to. They were big and wore all black and spoke too loud and stood too close. Nathan had told her exactly what he expected from her and she had failed. Nathan hit her again when she started crying and wouldn’t stop. The red mark on her cheek stung as salty tears wet it, but she couldn’t stop. 

On these days, Lola and her mother were switched. Lola watched in the background, a silent shadow of her father. Her mother rocked her to sleep, humming a lullaby. “Darling you mustn't cry.” 

Natalia longed for a day when Lola would give her sweets and her mother would hug her. 

When she was five and a half, she watched as her father systematically tore a man apart in her basement. She didn't cry, but her eyes were wide open in fear. Lola was there with her brother, Romero, who stood behind her as she watched. When her father was done, he gave Natalia a savage grin and a bloody pat on the head. Natalia stood still as the wetness from his hands stuck to her hair. Lola held her hand tight and led her up the stairs.

Her father didn't stop hurting people in their basement.

* * *

When she was six, her father decided it was time Lola started to teach her the family business. Lola taught her how to hold a knife and all of their different names. She learned how to throw it perfectly, every time. Lola was delighted every time Natalia hit her target, ruffling her red hair gently each time in praise. 

They moved onto how to cut with the knife, practicing on pigs to learn how to keep yourself free of the blood when it _sprays_. Natalia learned how to deal with the uncomfortable warmth as it spread through her fingers, how to deal with Lola slicing her arms when she made a mistake (thin lines, never able to scar-- Natalia needed to be pretty if she was ever to be worth something) and how to force a smile when you were hurt.

When she was six, her mother taught her too, but Nathan didn’t know about those lessons. Her mother taught her how to lie, how to smile to get someone to give you sweets or information, how to take something from someone’s pocket without them even noticing. With her mother, mistakes were rewarded with bruises. 

Natalia was known to be a clumsy child.

* * *

When she was seven, she picked up an exy stick for the first time and fell in love. Her mother had taken her out of Baltimore to play on a team. When she played, she was Anna. The lesson this time was something new, her mother had told her. Natalia was to keep a secret from her father. Her mother’s smile was not soft but Natalia welcomed it anyway. Natalia thought her mum and Lola might have something in common, but kept it to herself. After all, wasn’t hiding from her parents what her mother really wanted her to learn?

* * *

When she was eight, her father found out about exy. He brought Mary into the dining room and hit her with an open palm across her face. She didn't cry out, only stared resolutely at her husband. Natalia learned that she should not keep things from her father, that her mother can be wrong. Natalia stared up at her father, and he stared back. He saw his eyes set in the face of the woman he had once loved. “I’m sorry, Papa, but you wouldn’t have let me. And I’m the best. Don’t you want me to be the best?” Nathan granted her this. Mary stood in the corner of the room at the daughter she helped raise and thought to herself that the girl might yet survive them all. And Natalia? She learned that her father would always find out. Always.

* * *

When she was nine, her father came to one of her games. When Anna saw him, she fought her instincts to let her face light up like the sun. After all, Anna’s father was gone and she didn't know the stranger who shared her hair color. On the inside, Natalia was giddy with excitement. She played harder, more aggressively, desperate to please him. To let her keep playing. They won. With flecks of blood on her uniform from when a boy got a broken nose from being checked too hard, Natalia smiled as she licked her ice cream. A little princess, Lola called her and ruffled her braid even more. Natalia smiled at her. She was allowed to keep playing.

* * *

When she was ten, her father brought her to Edgar Allan to play exy. She played well and got along with the boys she played with, Riko and Kevin. There were older kids too, but she didn't see them much after Riko’s uncle kicked them out of the stadium. The two boys had drawn numbers on their faces, which Natalia thought was silly, but didn’t comment. She had already learned to keep her mouth shut and her opinions to herself. She and Riko and Kevin finished the game as Riko’s uncle blew his whistle and moved his hands. Riko took that as a sign to run over to grab her arm in a bruising grip to show her around the Nest, Kevin trailing behind them with a wide smile as Riko talked about their home. They stopped back at the court to grab their things and Riko and Kevin grabbed her hands and smiled brightly, guileless. “You could be one of us!” Natalia, who was homeschooled her entire life and had never had a friend besides Lola beamed back and nodded her head, thinking her life could only get better from there. 

After this declaration, they were called by Riko’s uncle to an office where she watched as her father cut a man apart. She stood still, face smooth as the porcelain dolls her mother had given her, as she watched the familiar scene. Instead of paying attention, her eyes wandered to the two boys in the room with them. Riko looked on passively but with a gleam in his eyes that reminded her of Papa as Kevin stood with a white face. It was almost as if he had never seen anything like this before, and the thought confused Natalia. She decided she liked Riko more. Perfection was expected, after all. And to Natalia, Riko was _perfect_. 

* * *

When she was ten, her mother ran away. She came into Natalia’s room late, her feet not making any noise as she carried a duffel bag in one hand. She grabbed Natalia’s upper arm in a bruising grip in the other and took her too.

“Your father thinks you ran away. He doesn’t want you anymore.” Natalia’s eyes filled with tears at the thought of her father throwing her away, of Lola not brushing her hair before she went to bed. Her mother slapped her across the face and dragged her out of the house and into a waiting car.

When she was eleven, she was Juliette. Her hair was dyed brown, blue eyes covered by green contacts. They were living in France, her mother was Marie and worked in one of the shops in town. Her father was dead. Did Natalia’s father think she was dead?

* * *

She was eleven and a half. She was Lena and went to school. Her mother told her not to stand out, so she didn't. Lena always listened to her mother. She had bruises to remind her that ached whenever she might forget. 

* * *

She was twelve and she was Lily in Germany. Her hair was blonde now, with blue eyes made darker with contacts. She wished she could play exy, but Lily had never played exy and never would.

* * *

She was thirteen, pretending to be fifteen, and was asked on a date. She was in Switzerland and her name was Maria. Her mother told her to go and be as unremarkable as possible. She told her to always agree with him. He was her first. Maria told her mother what had happened and she only nodded at her. “Boys are a distraction, but you are a distraction for boys. Remember this, Maria.” They left Switzerland. 

* * *

She was fourteen and they were back in America. Her mother hit her when she spoke with an accent that sounded out of place and she tried again.

“Better,” she said. 

She was Emily for now. Her father’s men found her when she was going to their apartment from school. She saw them first and calmly walked in the other direction, pretending she saw nothing out of the ordinary. She texted her mother the emergency code and waited patiently at the bus stop. Just a teenage girl playing on her phone, her backpack in hand. Her mother arrived with a bleeding arm but clutching her duffel bag. They caught the nearest bus to anywhere.

* * *

She was fourteen and she was Hannah and her father’s men-

She was fourteen and she was Kayla and her father’s men-

She was fourteen and she was Lauren and her father’s men-

* * *

She was fourteen and she was Grace and her father’s men found them in Seattle. The two managed to get away and as Mary drove, she made Natalia, who was no longer Katie or Grace, but Natalia, tell her all of her rules. For hours they drove in the car. ”Tell me again,” her mother demanded. “Again.” And she did. Her mother died in the car they stole.

She was fourteen and she was Natalia as she buried her mother’s burned bones in the sand in California. 

She was only fourteen and she was numb and _she will never forget what her mother’s burning body smells like and--_ Her mind went blank. She never forgot her mother’s rules. She never forgot the smell, either. 

* * *

She was fifteen, pretending to be seventeen, and she joined the school’s exy team. She was tired of feeling nothing. Of smelling burning flesh every time she remembered her rules. 

She was fifteen and a half when a boy on her team followed after her in the locker room and-

She was fifteen when she broke his arm and ran away. She went back to the house she was squatting in and decided to change a rule. Distract and deflect. As she fell asleep, the air smelled like the sea.

* * *

She was fifteen, pretending to be seventeen, pretending to be a boy called Alex when she was recruited by the Palmetto State Foxes. David Wymack showed up at her school holding a folder with Alex’s name written on it and said, “Son, I am here to give you an opportunity because you have talent.” He came alone and Alex cowered from him and he was alone when Alex with short black hair and brown eyes turned him down, knowing better than to step out into the light. Alex remembered her mother’s rules, so she should know better than to keep playing. But what she had was an addiction and so she didn't stop.

* * *

She was sixteen, pretending to be eighteen and a boy when she was recruited for the Edgar Allan Ravens. Her name was Neil and she still had black hair and brown eyes, but her hair was short and shabbily cut. Neil was unremarkable in every way except for how short he was and the way he played exy. That was what got him noticed. When Coach Moriyama showed up with his star players Riko and Kevin to convince Neil to sign the contract, Natalia hid away. It was Neil who met them in the coach’s office of the big city school Neil was attending and declined their generous offer of a full ride to Edgar Allan as long as he played exy. Shocked wasn’t the right word for the trio, but they left with an unsigned contract and the motivation to know more

She was still sixteen, still pretending to be a boy who was eighteen, when the Ravens came back for Neil. Saying no was not an option this time. Not when Riko looked into her eyes and saw a challenge and gave an offer. “You can be one of us.” And it was Natalia, having had everything taken from her and was finally offered something she wanted in return, who said yes. The voice that sounded like Alex, that sounded like her mother, shouted at her from the back of her mind. Natalia ignored them as she signed the contract.

* * *

She is seventeen now, but still pretending to be eighteen, and she graduates high school early and is officially placed with the Ravens. At Edgar Allan, they learn she is Lia, not Neil, and Riko doesn’t know if he should be impressed or angry at the deception. This time, he lets it pass. After all, skill is skill and her accomplishments are only more impressive if she is really a girl. But no lie goes unpunished in the Nest, Lia soon learns.

**Author's Note:**

> So that's that. May or may not finish writing the second part to this but I'm kind of happy where this ended up. 
> 
> Let me know what you think!


End file.
